the case of the average
this entry, is just a letter from me, for me.
once upon a time there was a small girl with two pigtails, hopping to school, getting her cheeks pinched by all the teachers she passed by, getting a smiley on each page of her notebook and retiring home with a gold star made on her hand.
She grew up, replaced the pigtails with a sleek ponytail, walked to the class more graciously, high fiving and small talking with the many friends she had made. She was having fun all the time, but there was a small fear growing within her
She was constantly aware of her mediocrity. Academically. And it it didn’t feel good, for her to drop from top to an “average” in just one year of her junior year.
Surprise Surprise, the girl is me obviously.
I don’t know whether the average kids are at the sweet spot, or the grilling end because I have felt both ways on different days. Over the past couple of months, so many doubts regarding my capacity have been hovering over me. The tens and twenties of entrance exams haven’t been particularly soft on me and I have left examination centres feeling quite stupid.
But in retrospection, I have realised that these months have also been the ones which have taught me self discipline. I have taught myself to be more strict with myself. I have consciously tried to understand MY brain and MY body and work accordingly. It has taken time I agree. Maybe enough time for me to not have had performed the best this time around. However, when I zoom out, I see these few months are nothing compared to the larger scheme of life.
And I have also come to the conclusion that whatever person I am to become, these few months of doubts, rejections, failures, fatigue and uncertainty, all that I have garnered in these few months, are going to define myself tomorrow.
So I agree that we average people are given tons of opportunities to weep over. But maybe this IS the sweet spot, as your fingers will get blisters on picking up the guitar the first time, but it all subsides when the melody comes out just right.
One Comment
Zengirlie
This article just hit home,the bitter sweetness yk. most of us have not grown up in an enviornment wherein we are constantly exposed to the fierceness of competition and are not exposed to competitive exams.I feel like when the time does come, it really takes a toll on you. it makes you question what are you good for if you don’t get a seat more than a lakh students are fighting for. It’s a really…vulnerable state of mind and it takes effort to pull yourself out of the slump, that self doubt. looking ahead,that experience is really what influences our life,the failures and the strength to overcome it….