Did Birthdays always feel….so wrong?

Edging towards the edge of teenage.

Suddenly, the prospect of a 17th birthday doesn’t seem that grand. I remember towards the beginning of the year, when my other friends were turning 17, some even 18, they didn’t seem to take it that well.

I thought meh. It’s probably the January winter blues. By March, everything will be sunny and bloomed, so will my spirits for my birthday.

I think it piled up. There are so many other things which are going around this year, things which feel closer to reality than fancy birthdays, that the simple idea of them seems stupid.

Plus this time around, I am not simply growing, I am nearing the end of a phase. A beautifully nasty phase, whose beauty overpowers any day, now that I have realised.

Also as I mentioned, It piled up. So there are various other complexities which swarm my brain. I read somewhere and they said it is generally how others react to your birthday which affects you as well.

At 8-9 years, you love to see your parents turn the world upside down for that perfect party. Everyone you invite comes, because they, like you, have tiny feet which are useless for anything practical. You know everyone and they know a lot more people and everyone is invited. Its a jungle Jamboree

As we grow up, We become capable of various things. Capable of choosing the guest list, capable of deciding everything- from the food to the location, of the party.

But the as we grow even more, the excitement around that special day fades. But out of practice, one still engages in the planning. And I think by the 17th- 18th birthday, it feels more stressful and futile than fun.

The internal monologue, “Why am I even planning so much when neither me, nor anyone around me is excited”

So that

Its interesting. Very interesting. Just Growing up. Lets see where it takes us

Until next time

TA-ta 🙂