a bit of uncertainity is good……i think
I am a person who zones out quite often. In fact, a part of my daily morning routine is the 15-minute post-waking zoning-out session I have, where I sit with my blanket wrapped around me, a glass of water in hand, staring aimlessly.
And I love these 15 minutes.
Because this is where most of my profound thoughts develop.
Today, these 15 minutes shifted to 6 pm, which is when I opened my laptop to write today’s thoughts.
As a soon-to-be 19-year-old, a large portion of my life intact in my memories feels the same, to be exact, about 16 years of it. And then post that, BOOM! so many changes in just 2–3 years. So much so that the initial era now feels like a small phase.
That aside, as a soon-to-be 19-year-old, I don’t seem to yet have a concrete answer to: “So, what next?”
And it used to bother me. Quite a lot.
I had the habit of either dodging the question or over-explaining future plans that I too was hearing for the first time.
But then came a small piece of advice from my dad.
He said, people aren’t that invested in what you want to do. This “So what next?” is just a side quest people discover at this age. So many people suddenly seem to be doing SO much that they feel the urge to know SOOO much more.
So just say:
“Yeah, thinking of pursuing research in Topological Quantum Field Theory.”
Or something like that.
Anything complex enough to prevent cross-questioning.
And then move on.
Kinda funny, because it did work on a few.
Anyways, the uncertainty in general has stopped bothering me as much.
Mainly because I’ve come to embrace just how active my brain is currently. Just because it has a fair idea and not the complete idea of what I need to do, it is immensely stimulated and seems to be picking up information left and right.
I seem to be learning so much in this era of uncertainty.
And I like it.
And although yes, I do want to materialise all of these musings into something productive someday, I feel being wide-eyed at this age is a gift that I cannot take for granted